Listening to their questions

Children understand death differently depending on their age and experiences. It can help to use clear words, give short answers and invite further questions when they are ready.

Talking Honestly and Gently

Children may have many questions when someone dies. Clear, honest explanations and gentle reassurance can help them understand what has happened and feel supported.

Use simple words suited to their age and understanding. Listen to what they ask, give them time, and let them know they can return with more questions whenever they need to.

Use clear words such as ‘died’ rather than ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘lost’, which can confuse children. Explain that when someone dies, their body stops working and they cannot come back. Give information in small amounts, guided by the child’s questions and understanding.

Listen and Reassure

Children may express their grief in different ways. Some may ask lots of questions, while others may become quiet, upset or withdrawn. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings without pressure, and reassure them that it is okay to feel sad, angry or confused.

Let them know they are loved, supported and not responsible for what has happened. Keeping familiar routines can also help children feel safe and secure during this difficult time.

Helping Children Say Goodbye

Giving children the opportunity to say goodbye can be an important part of helping them understand and cope with a bereavement.

Depending on their age and wishes, children may find comfort in attending the funeral, choosing a special piece of music, drawing a picture, writing a letter or placing a meaningful item with their loved one.

Explain what will happen beforehand, using simple and reassuring language. Allow children to decide how much they would like to be involved, without placing any pressure on them.

There is no right or wrong way for a child to grieve. What matters most is that they feel included, listened to and supported.

Remembering Someone Special

Remembering someone who has died can help children maintain a comforting connection with their loved one.

Encourage children to talk about happy memories, look through photographs or share stories about the person they miss. Creating a memory box containing photographs, letters, drawings or special keepsakes can also provide comfort.

Some children may enjoy planting a flower or tree, making a scrapbook or taking part in a family tradition to remember their loved one.

Remind children that although someone special has died, the love they shared and the memories they created will always remain an important part of their lives.

When Children Need Extra Support

Grief affects every child differently, and there is no set timetable for how they should feel or respond. Some children may appear to cope well initially, while others may need additional reassurance and support as they begin to understand their loss.

Changes in sleep, behaviour, appetite or concentration can sometimes occur following a bereavement. Offering patience, understanding and opportunities to talk can help children feel supported.

If a child continues to struggle with overwhelming sadness, anxiety or significant changes in behaviour, it may be helpful to seek additional guidance from their school, GP or a specialist childhood bereavement organisation.

Organisations such as Winston’s Wish and Child Bereavement UK provide valuable information and support for children, young people and families experiencing grief.

Further Help and Support

Supporting a child through bereavement can feel overwhelming, but you do not have to face it alone.

There are specialist organisations offering compassionate advice, practical resources and support for children, young people and their families.

Winston’s Wish – Provides specialist childhood bereavement support, guidance and resources.

Child Bereavement UK – Supports children and young people who are grieving, as well as families and professionals caring for them.

At Melville & Daughters Funeral Directors, we understand the importance of supporting the whole family during a bereavement. If you need guidance about including children in funeral arrangements, our compassionate team is here to help.

Further support for families